Why Do Women Love Erotica More Than Men?

On the face of it, the ‘sex industry’ is a male-centric one. However, when it comes to sex in literature, it’s all about women. Women, predominantly, write it and women, by far, are the biggest consumers of it. Why? And, more importantly, why is it helpful for an author to understand what goes on in his or her readers’ heads.

Men And Women Are Different

No shit, Sherlock - right? Our brains are biologically different, they function differently, meaning that the weaknesses of one are compensated for by the strengths of the other. To my mind, this is all just as it should be - it makes us a good team. Much as both genders may hate to admit it, the truth is we compliment each other perfectly.

So, where men are very visually motivated, women tend to lean more toward imagination. In other words, for a man titillation is, usually (but not always), about what is right in front of his eyes. For a woman, it’s about what’s going on in her head, it’s about her ability to visualise, it’s what she hears, it’s what she feels, it’s the promise of what’s to come.

Why Do Men Prefer Porn?

Men tend to favour, especially when we’re talking about sex, instant gratification. Let’s call a spade a spade: men, by and large, want to fuck. There is a reason that men are renowned for wanting to skip the foreplay (although it must be said that some men enjoy foreplay just as much as women do).

In the main, men want to get down to business as quickly as possible, this is evidenced in most porn films. The actual act may take longer than by rights it should, but penetration usually happens quickly. At the very least, a shlong is wapped out within the first couple of minutes.

I suspect, in some part of their pre-evolutionary male brain, this has to do with getting the mating business over quickly, so as to reduce the time you are vulnerable to attack by predators or competitors.

But regardless of the reason, male fantasies tend to get straight to the point; there’s no messing about, the woman’s already up for it, he doesn’t have to do much (if anything) to arouse her, he’s in there quick and, if he’s feeling in a generous mood, he has his fantasy partner screaming his name, just before he reaches his climax.

Men prefer porn, because it’s in-your-face, it is what it is, it gets down to it quickly, if you’re lucky there may be a threadbare plotline. It’s just all about the sex and, usually, it’s about the man’s enjoyment of sex.

Because men’s brains are wired to crave quick, sudden sexual encounters and their natural inclination places prominence with visual stimuli, it’s little wonder that they prefer a five minute burst of porn to an evening in the company of an erotic tome.

Why Women Love Erotica

Now, that’s not to suggest that women don’t enjoy a little porn, too. Many of them do, but let’s no kid ourselves. Porn is made almost exclusively for men. It’s a multibillion dollar industry that depends on male customers to survive. There is very little porn made for women; films with a story, with delayed gratification, a slow build of sexual tension. I think you’d be hard pushed to find porn that chooses to combine romantic love and sexual desire. And that, on the whole, is what women are after.

Don’t get me wrong, we know there is excitement to that sudden rush of hormones that leaves you incapable of controlling yourself; ripping off a lover’s clothes with shaky hands, in a desperate need to feel skin against skin. We women know the value of a quickie. We know that fucking can be exciting and it has its place. However, we are aware that there is a veritable cornucopia of sex, a vast array of ways to (in the words of Primal Scream) get your rocks off. Variety really is the spice of life.

So, why do women prefer erotic literature, well, quite simply, because it offers that variety. Porn is usually formulaic and, more importantly, leaves nothing, zero, zip to the imagination. Erotica, however, can be set anywhere, in any time, it can shift; the characters can quite literally shift. Sometimes encounters are quick and dirty, sometimes there are pages and pages of frustrated longing followed by slow sensual love making - usually, there is a mix of those two extremes and everything in between.

The point is, she is not bound simply by the garish images in front of her eyes. A woman’s imagination is forced to do some of the work for her and it will, undoubtedly, prove more arousing than anything that is pushed right in her face.

Writing Erotic Literature For Men

With all that said, you might assume that erotic literature is a woman-only zone. While I have no doubt that the audience for erotic literature will remain predominantly female, I do think it is possible to write erotic prose that men enjoy. Of course, erotic male literature needs to reflect male fantasies, desires and preferences.

Both male and female erotic authors need to implement a different box of tricks if they plan to aim for a male audience. To my mind, it would be difficult to write a work that would appeal equally to men and women, without having sections of the book that a man would want to just skip over. So, if you want to write erotic literature for men, you have to keep a man’s mind….well, in mind.

However, with the proliferation of porn and the ease with which it can be accessed, I can’t imagine literature ever superseding it in the lives of men. That said, perhaps the ubiquitous nature of porn will have exactly that effect. Maybe men will realise, as they search for increasingly hardcore and bizarre content, that what they really need is the freedom to use their imaginations. One can only hope!

How to Write Good Dialogue

Sometimes, when it comes to dialogue, less is more

As a reader, I always appreciate good dialogue. Well written dialogue tells us something about the character who is speaking, it can add a great deal to the story telling, create drama or, in the case of erotica, sexual tension, arousal and excitement.

Bad dialogue, on the other hand, has the exact opposite effect - it can suck the life out of a story. In my experience, badly written dialogue instantly reminds me that I’m reading a work of fiction. I no longer believe in the fantasy world - it ceases to be ‘real’ to me.

The secret to good writing, be it dialogue or anything else, is to do it in such a way that the author’s ‘hand’ cannot be seen. As soon as a reader becomes aware of the writing process, the reading experience is ruined.

Words, Words, Words…

As a writer, I understand that writing good dialogue is not always easy, because you’re often trying to balance several things within your character’s words. However, I have formed some ‘rules’ to writing speech, that help me to ascertain the difference between good and bad dialogue.

• All dialogue has to have a purpose. If characters are speaking for the sake of speaking, you’re wasting a reader’s time. So, if the words coming out of your character’s mouth aren’t advancing the story, telling you something about him/her or another character - silence really is golden.
• A character’s words have to suit their personality, background and culture. And each character’s style of speech must be different. If you think about it, every single person has a different style/rhythm of speech. The same should be true of your characters. If you’re writing a character who would drop his aitches, then don’t be afraid to write, “He was always very ’andy with his fists.” If you’re writing a character who comes from a southern state in the U.S., make sure that’s evident in her speech - the words and vernacular she uses.
• There is a balance to be found between dialogue that sounds natural and dialogue that is bordering on painful to read. It’s always a good idea to listen to the way people speak. However, what you’ll notice is that almost everybody talks with a lot of ‘ums’, ‘errs’ and pauses. These should all be used sparingly in dialogue, however, as it looks ugly and reads very clumsily.
• Get to the point. Again, in normal, natural speech we all have a habit of rambling around the houses somewhat, before we actually get to the crux of what we’re saying. Now, there may be a character for which this style of speech is perfect (be warned, however, some readers will find this type of character annoying). However, if you use that technique with every character, you’re reader will soon want to stick pins in his or her eyes.
• Avoid clichés. I think, generally speaking, many authors go to great lengths to avoid clichés, but they can still creep up on you. Cheesy dialogue, especially in erotic novels and stories, can be intensely off-putting. Remember, perhaps more than any other form of fiction, it is important for erotic authors to transport their readers into a different world, one they can fully immerse themselves in. If you’re rolling out clichés of any kind, you’re killing the atmosphere.

Typically, I find that if a stick to these guidelines, my dialogue reads naturally and my work is not littered with two much jibber-jabber from my characters.

Do you have any golden rules for creating good dialogue? Do you disagree with any of mine? Feel free to share them below.