Men And Women Are Different
No shit, Sherlock - right? Our brains are biologically different, they function differently, meaning that the weaknesses of one are compensated for by the strengths of the other. To my mind, this is all just as it should be - it makes us a good team. Much as both genders may hate to admit it, the truth is we compliment each other perfectly.
So, where men are very visually motivated, women tend to lean more toward imagination. In other words, for a man titillation is, usually (but not always), about what is right in front of his eyes. For a woman, it’s about what’s going on in her head, it’s about her ability to visualise, it’s what she hears, it’s what she feels, it’s the promise of what’s to come.
Why Do Men Prefer Porn?
Men tend to favour, especially when we’re talking about sex, instant gratification. Let’s call a spade a spade: men, by and large, want to fuck. There is a reason that men are renowned for wanting to skip the foreplay (although it must be said that some men enjoy foreplay just as much as women do).
In the main, men want to get down to business as quickly as possible, this is evidenced in most porn films. The actual act may take longer than by rights it should, but penetration usually happens quickly. At the very least, a shlong is wapped out within the first couple of minutes.
I suspect, in some part of their pre-evolutionary male brain, this has to do with getting the mating business over quickly, so as to reduce the time you are vulnerable to attack by predators or competitors.
But regardless of the reason, male fantasies tend to get straight to the point; there’s no messing about, the woman’s already up for it, he doesn’t have to do much (if anything) to arouse her, he’s in there quick and, if he’s feeling in a generous mood, he has his fantasy partner screaming his name, just before he reaches his climax.
Men prefer porn, because it’s in-your-face, it is what it is, it gets down to it quickly, if you’re lucky there may be a threadbare plotline. It’s just all about the sex and, usually, it’s about the man’s enjoyment of sex.
Because men’s brains are wired to crave quick, sudden sexual encounters and their natural inclination places prominence with visual stimuli, it’s little wonder that they prefer a five minute burst of porn to an evening in the company of an erotic tome.
Why Women Love Erotica
Now, that’s not to suggest that women don’t enjoy a little porn, too. Many of them do, but let’s no kid ourselves. Porn is made almost exclusively for men. It’s a multibillion dollar industry that depends on male customers to survive. There is very little porn made for women; films with a story, with delayed gratification, a slow build of sexual tension. I think you’d be hard pushed to find porn that chooses to combine romantic love and sexual desire. And that, on the whole, is what women are after.
Don’t get me wrong, we know there is excitement to that sudden rush of hormones that leaves you incapable of controlling yourself; ripping off a lover’s clothes with shaky hands, in a desperate need to feel skin against skin. We women know the value of a quickie. We know that fucking can be exciting and it has its place. However, we are aware that there is a veritable cornucopia of sex, a vast array of ways to (in the words of Primal Scream) get your rocks off. Variety really is the spice of life.
So, why do women prefer erotic literature, well, quite simply, because it offers that variety. Porn is usually formulaic and, more importantly, leaves nothing, zero, zip to the imagination. Erotica, however, can be set anywhere, in any time, it can shift; the characters can quite literally shift. Sometimes encounters are quick and dirty, sometimes there are pages and pages of frustrated longing followed by slow sensual love making - usually, there is a mix of those two extremes and everything in between.
The point is, she is not bound simply by the garish images in front of her eyes. A woman’s imagination is forced to do some of the work for her and it will, undoubtedly, prove more arousing than anything that is pushed right in her face.
Writing Erotic Literature For Men
With all that said, you might assume that erotic literature is a woman-only zone. While I have no doubt that the audience for erotic literature will remain predominantly female, I do think it is possible to write erotic prose that men enjoy. Of course, erotic male literature needs to reflect male fantasies, desires and preferences.
Both male and female erotic authors need to implement a different box of tricks if they plan to aim for a male audience. To my mind, it would be difficult to write a work that would appeal equally to men and women, without having sections of the book that a man would want to just skip over. So, if you want to write erotic literature for men, you have to keep a man’s mind….well, in mind.
However, with the proliferation of porn and the ease with which it can be accessed, I can’t imagine literature ever superseding it in the lives of men. That said, perhaps the ubiquitous nature of porn will have exactly that effect. Maybe men will realise, as they search for increasingly hardcore and bizarre content, that what they really need is the freedom to use their imaginations. One can only hope!
