Wednesday 18 July 2012

5 Things Women Should Never Do During Sex



Are there things you shouldn't do or say while in bed?
At heart, I’m a bit of a fool, a clown, a joker. I like to laugh and I love to make other people laugh.

Unfortunately, that desire to be funny is often ignorant to the first rule of comedy…Know your audience. This, combined with an insensibility to the concept of ‘there’s a time and place’, has made for some rather awkward moments.

Make Love Not Laughs


What I quickly discovered was that men, by and large, do not find sexual intercourse amusing. Essentially, when they’re in the mood for fucking, they’re not in the mood for laughing. Although this is a lesson I learned quickly, I remain unable to refrain from making gags.

Here are just a few of the things that I’ve discovered women should never do during sex:

1. When the man you're about to sleep with takes off his clothes and stands naked before you, don’t tilt your head to one side and say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen one like that before.”

2. When giving your man a blow job, he won’t see the humor in you taking the description literally and blowing rather than sucking on his manhood.

3. When he’s going down on you, he will not appreciate it if you attempt to throw your voice and make your pussy say ‘hello’.

4. Never grab his penis and pretend it is a karaoke microphone. He will not enjoy the unedited version of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' sung into his pride and joy.

5. Similarly, when the above are not producing so much as a titter of laughter, do not grab his penis and pretend it is a stand-up comedian’s microphone. Giving the tip a little tap with your finger and asking, “Is this thing on?” will, surprisingly, not lift the mood.

What is Wrong With Me?


Why do I feel the need to do any of these things?

Well, partly, because I disagree, I think sex is funny. Or at least, it can be. And, I’m of the general opinion that it should be. Laughter is a great way to bond with the one you love, so why not laugh and bond, while you’re loving the one you love? I’m not suggesting that we should all dress up in clown costumes before we get down and dirty, but there’s nothing wrong with a little giggling while you’re making the beast with two backs….is there?

Apparently, there is.

Surely, there's nothing wrong with a little
laughter during lovin'
I have, actually, lost boyfriends (or potential boyfriends) at the cost of being amusing during intimate moments.

Now, I can accept than an individual does not share my sense of humor. What I cannot quite get my head around, though, is why it seems so outrageous to find comedy in the act of making love.

The conclusion that I’ve reached is a simple one: Men (or at least the men that I’ve known) don’t like you to laugh or make jokes during sex, because they believe you’re laughing at them rather than with them.

With the exception of No. 1 in my list of things women should never do during sex, none of my attempts at humor are (or can in any way be construed as) mocking the man in question. And even, No.1 was said in good humor with tongue firmly in cheek.

But, who knows, maybe my need to find humor in sex says more about me than the men who don’t share it. Perhaps it speaks of nervousness and insecurity, or a fear of true intimacy. Who knows?! What I do know is that I find 'funny' sexy, and if I ever met a man who could laugh with me during sex, I would be an incredibly happy woman!

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