If You Have to Ask...

If you have to ask, the answer is obvious

There are two questions that women simply hate being asked when they're having sex...All right, there are probably plenty of questions a woman hates to be asked during sex, but these two are particularly infuriating.

1. Are you close/almost there?
2. Was it good for you?

Now, on the face of it, these questions should not annoy us. I mean, they demonstrate an interest in our enjoyment of the experience and are, therefore, being spoken by a thoughtful man, right? Wrong. And I realize a man reading this will probably be thinking 'I can't win!'. Well, you can, it's just that being thoughtful and considerate doesn't require having to ask these questions. In fact, I would argue that neither are really about our pleasure at all.

What's Going on When A Man Asks 'Are You Close?'

When a man says those words, or any others to that effect, what we girls here is, "Can we hurry this along a little?" or "Oh, for fuck's sake, what's taking so long?"

Now, that may not be what's intended by the question, but it is what's implied by it. And, if there's anything likely to throw cold water on our burgeoning orgasm, it's being rushed. That's not, of course, to suggest that the female orgasm is always a long time coming (pardon the pun), because nothing could be further from the truth. Guys, if you don't believe me, ask a woman how long it takes her to reach climax when she's masturbating.

But the truth is that the mechanics of intercourse don't always give us what we need. For most women, it's all about the clitoris and, typically, the in-and-out action of sex doesn't give us anywhere near enough contact where we need it.

So, if you're a guy who wants to speed things along, rather than trying to gee your gal up like a horse, make sure you're giving her stimulation where she needs it. If the thrusting of your pubic bone against her clit isn't doing the trick, get your hands involved.

If You Have to Ask, The Answer is 'No'

In regard to both, 'Are you close?' and 'Was it good for you?', what jars me most about these questions is that it actually demonstrates a complete lack of interest in me. If you were paying even the slightest bit of attention to me, you would know the answer to both of those questions.

I've had one guy respond to that with, 'well, you're always quiet'. I wanted to tell him that I was always quiet, because it had never been particularly good for me. Instead, I plumped for a little eduction in the non-verbal clues that women give off.

Now, to me, this ain't rocket science, but to him it was something of a revelation. The fact that a woman's heart rate, breathing, muscle spasms (and not just the obvious ones), skin and eyes are all giving him constant updates, much like Twitter, as to her level of arousal and impending (or not, as the case may be) orgasm, was something entirely new to him.

To me, this made it very clear that when he's thrusting away, he's really only focused on himself and his own climax.

And that, my friends, is why asking a woman whether or not it was good is not expressing an interest in her enjoyment. If he were interested, he would have been paying attention at the time. The only reason to ask, after the fact, is to stroke his own ego.

So, boys, do us girls a favor and stop asking stupid questions!